Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Five Back To School Movies...

School sucks...amiright!?! Here's some horror movies set around high school. Every other list I've seen had Carrie, The Craft, The Faculty, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Prom Night...so here's some other ones.

1. Class of Nuke'em High (1986)
A Troma Entertainment cult classic...Tromaville High School is located next to a nuclear power plant...mutant shenanigans occur. The local gang is called 'The Cretins'.
There's a couple of sequels.
It's a Troma movie, and if you know Troma, than you know what to expect.





2. Class of 1984 (1982)
Class of Nuke'em High is basically a spoof of this movie...which is Canadian...and stars Timothy Van Patten, who has gone on to direct; The Sopranos, Homecide: Life on the Street, The Wire, Game of Thrones, Ed, Sex & The City and Boardwalk Empire!
A gang of 'punks' terrorise their high school. The theme song 'We Are The Future' was by Alice Cooper.






3. The Woods (2006)
A little known but pretty good supernatural horror starring Bruce Campbell and Patricia Clarkson.
Set in a private girls school in 1965...weird things are happening...in the woods. Girls are disappearing from their beds in the middle of the night and all that's left is a pile of leaves. What's going on?





Christine (1983 film)
4. Christine (1983)
From the Stephen King book of the same name and directed by the master himself John Carpenter.
Arnie is a nerdy teenager with only one friend, who happens to be a popular jock, his luck seems to change when he buys a rusty old red and white 1957 Plymouth Fury named 'Christine'. As Arnie works on the car, which the radio only plays 1950's rock n roll, he starts to change...once shy and unassuming, he's now cocky and dresses in all black. Christine starts to take revenge on the high school gang that have been bullying Arnie.



5. Battle Royale (2000)
Controversal Japanese cult classic based on a book of the same name by Koushun Takami.
A class of high school students are drugged, fitted with collars and taken a remote island where they are told that they have to try and kill each other over the next three days. This movie is very violent but very emotional at the same time.
It is banned in Germany and has never had full distribution in the U.S.

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Saturday, August 10, 2013

5 Movies That Will Make You NOT Want To Have Kids...

This blog post contains major spoilers!

Last weekend, I watched a British horror movie called "The Children". Middle class children become homicidal maniacs, turning on their parents, possibly due to some kind of virus. Firstly, the kids are annoying even before they start killing the family pet and then their parents. And then when they go 'postal', holy crap, pure evil. This movie will make you not want children...and here are four more that are a form of visual birth control.


Village of the Damned
1. They could be mutant alien children that are smarter than you and psychic and will probably kill you with their brains and take over the planet. And their eyes glow. And they are incredibly tidy and wear matching outfits.









The Bad Seed
2. They could be a sociopath and kill three people. And be incredibly tidy and wear their hair in braids. This movie scared my dad so much as a kid he ran all the way home from the movies because it was raining and he was afraid he'd get hit by lightning...just like in the movie.






Ils (Them)
3. They could be part of a feral gang that just wants to 'play' with you...aka kill you.
This was apparently based on actual events.









Orphan
4. The 9 year old child you adopt could end being a 33 year old Estonian woman who has murdered 7 people before escaping from a mental institute. And they're incredibly tidy and wears her hair in pig tails...I see a theme.







Or they could end up being like Veruca Salt...

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Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Kick-Ass and Whip It!

Strangely, I only just saw both these movies this last weekend...strangely, because they are both movies that friends had recommended I watch because they thought I'd like them, and it took me forever to actually see them. And my friends were right I did like both of them...very much.

First up...
Kick-Ass
This movie isn't even really about Kick-Ass, it's about Hit Girl. Kick-Ass doesn't really become a 'super hero' until the end of the movie when he hooks up with Hit Girl to avenge Big Daddy's death. Hit Girl has all the best scenes and all the best moves and of course, all the best lines. She's a much more interesting character than Kick-Ass and you want to know more about her. You pretty much know everything about Kick-Ass.

Next up...
Whip It!
Whip It is Drew Barrymore's directorial debut, I hope she directs some more films because this movie was a fun romp about how roller derby helps a teenage girl find herself. Ellen Page as Bliss is excellent as usual and is no way like Juno, though there is one line of dialogue where she sounded just like Juno. Bliss is less conifident than Juno and is trying to please her mother by being in beauty pageants. But Bliss lies about her age and joins a all women roller derby team of losers, though of course quirky characters. The casting was perfect. The soundtrack is awesome. And now I really want some roller skates!

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Tuesday, July 23, 2013

5 Movies to Make You Forget the Heat...

Hot town, summer in the city...it's really F*ing hot here in the U.K. and I hear there's a heat wave in the U.S. too. Here's five movies that will, hopefully, make you forget the heat...there will be a lot of snow involved.

Let The Right One In
Brilliant, moving, surreal, moody Swedish film that just happens to have a vampire in it. It takes place during winter. There's a lot of snow...and blood.
Oh and the title comes from a Morrissey song.








The Thing

Takes place in the Antartic, so there's lots of snow...and blood. Horror master John Carpenter's masterpiece sci-fi/horror about an alien in a research station. It stars Kurt Russell and has some really cool special effects.








30 Days of Night
Another vampire movie...but these vampires don't sparkle, they are feral, almost rodent-like pack animals. As it's set in Alaska, there's a lot of snow...and blood. And Josh Harnett isn't too annoying.








The Shining
Dad goes mad as the winter caretaker of The Overlook Hotel. There's lots of snow...and blood. Check out the Wikipedia page..there's a lot of theories about this movie...oh and the film 'Room 237'.








And now for a non-horror movie, though the story is horrific and brave.

The Great White Silence
This is a docementary about the Terra Nova Expedition between 1910-13, from which Robert Falcon Scott and four others never returned. It's about the Antartic so there's a lot of snow...no blood this time.
We had the Scott Expedition Exhibit at the Natural History Museum in London last year and it was breath-taking.

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Saturday, July 20, 2013

Five Summer Movies Part Two: Oh The Horror!

As I was writing the last post, I kept coming up with summer themed horror movies, so I decided to write up a list of just those movies...
Note: I don't recommend movies I haven't seen, so no Friday the 13th or Sleepaway Camp.

The Ruins
This movie is part of the 'stupid white people in a foreign country' sub-genre. In Mexico, four Americans team up with two German and Greek guys to search for the German guys brother, who went off with a female archaeologist to see some Mayan ruins. Once they get to the Mayan pyramid, they are confronted by some actual Mayans who basically hold them hostage on the ruins.
I don't want to give too much away but this movie is really good...very intense, some interesting twists and some gruesome scenes that make you go 'holy shit!'


Picnic At Hanging Rock

Not really a horror movie but it's still really creepy, moody, surreal, confusing and disturbing. And it takes place on St. Valentine's Day but it's Australia, so it's still summer there.
The young girls at Appleyard College near Woodend in Victoria go on a picnic at Hanging Rock in honor of St. Valentine's Day. Several of the girls and one of their teachers decide to go and explore Hanging Rock. Weird things happen on the rock and half the girls never return from the rock and are never to be seen again. Were the kidnapped by the local Aborigines? Did they wander off and get lost in the outback? Was it something more supernatural? We never know...the mystery is never solved.
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Friday, July 19, 2013

Five Summer Movies: Part One

Here's some of my favorite summer movies, in no particular order,  just in case we do have another crappy summer...

Dazed and Confused - Richard Linklater (1993)
This cult movie by Ricjard Linklater is about the last day of high school in the suburbs of Austin, Texas in 1976. It's stars basically, everyone: Matthew McConaughey, Jason London (twin brother Jeremy was in 7th Heaven), Ben Affleck, Milla Jovovich, Cole Hauser (Pitch Black, 2 Fast 2 Furious), Parker Posey, Adam Goldberg (Friends, Joey), Joey Lauren Adams (Chasing Amy), Anthony Rapp (Firefly, Suburgatory), Renée Zellweger and Rory Cochrane (Empire Records, CSI: Miami).
Plot: Long story short...graduating seniors haze the incoming freshmen...much shenanigans ensue, much beer is drunk and many a roach is smoked...all to an excellent rock soundtrack including; Foghat, Aerosmith, KISS, Alice Cooper, The Runaways...etc. Some of the fashion is questionable but that's the 70's. It's also an insanely quotable movie, the dialogue is classic.
If you aren't stoned when you watch this movie, you'll feel stoned.
Just lay back and chill out and enjoy the ride.

My sister and I used to love this next movie! We would make our mom rent it from the video shop all the time. We really should have bought it we watched it so much.

Summer School - Carl Reiner (1987)
Plot: Slacker teacher Mr. Shoop (Mark Harmon) is forced to teach summer school to a class of misfits and losers...shenanigans ensue.
It stars loads of people you recognize but can't put your finger on why...
Surfer girl Pam is Courtney Thorne-Smith from Melrose Place; Larry, who's male stripper is Ken Olandt who has been a lot of t.v. shows including The Young & The Restless; jock Kevin is Patrick Labyorteaux who was in Little House and JAG; pregnant Rhonda is Shawnee Smith from the Saw franchise; geeky Alan is Richard Steven Horvitz is now a popular voice actor for animated and live action films and t.v.; dyslexic Denise is Kelly Jo Minter who was in House Part and Nightmare on Elm Street 5; intimidating Jerome  is Duane Davis who was in Ghosts of Mars, and two horror-film-obsessed underachievers, Dave is Gary Riley who was in Stand By Me and Francis, a.k.a. 'Chainsaw' is Dean Cameron who you should just click on his name and read his Wikipedia because he's done some cool stuff recently.

Meatballs - Ivan Reitman (1979)
I love Bill Murray. This was his first starring role. This is what we all wanted summer camp to be like.
Another great summer movie starring Bill Murray...and Chevy Chase, is Caddy Shack. 'Be the ball.'
I don't think I really need to say anymore about these movies except you should watch them if you like to laugh.

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